


James Potter: Quidditch Extraordinaire and Groundbreakingly Stupid

by unknowableroom_archivist



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Humor, One Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-09-09
Updated: 2009-09-09
Packaged: 2019-01-19 23:35:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,678
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12420540
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/unknowableroom_archivist/pseuds/unknowableroom_archivist
Summary: LJ oneshot. Completed. James & Lily. Sweeping gestures with beautiful flowers? Love letters and exchanging of hidden glances? Serenading off roof tops?Not quite...





	James Potter: Quidditch Extraordinaire and Groundbreakingly Stupid

**Author's Note:**

> Note from ChristyCorr, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [Unknowable Room](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Unknowable_Room), a Harry Potter archive active from 2005-2016. To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project after May 2017. I e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [Unknowable Room collection profile](http://www.archiveofourown.org/collections/unknowableroom).

It was not a clear cloudless night with bright, shining stars and the gorgeous, curved crescent moon shining on the grounds. In fact the sky was filled with a blur of clouds and many cold breezes. The winter weather as it was made it a perfect night for many things. Sitting in ones common room in front of the fire, chatting with friends or even sneaking to the kitchens if one happened to be in the possession of an invisibility cloak. Whatever ones desires may entail.  
  
And if one happened to be Lily Evans, these desires would be sitting in the library with the companionship of many books. Lily furrowed her brow bitting her lip as she looked over the essay assigned that day. She had developed the sound habit of studying in the library daily as to avoid a certain Gryffindor male. Lily tightened the scarf around her neck as she raised her head in thought. Biting the end of her quill as to contemplate what she was writing, she continued her essay. She let out an apprehensive sigh, thoughts rolling around in her head about how she was going to get through the coming year.  
  
The sound of a chair being pulled across carpet ensued, and Lily heard a thud on the desk across from her. She sighed, knowing without looking who this would be  
  
"So, Ev-" a male voice started  
  
"No" she responded still not taking her eyes of the book in front of her. Lily flipped a page, gritting her teeth while doing so. Saying Lily disliked him would be an understatement, in fact saying she _despised_ him would still be an understatement.  In her eyes James Potter would be a lot better as a pulp. A pulp extracted from personally strangling him while laughing wickedly…not that she ever imagined this of course…  
  
"You don’t even know what I was going to say!" the voice brought her back to the present situation.  
  
Lily slammed down her in response, lifting her head with annoyance.  
  
"So you weren’t going to ask me out?". Having known James Potter for six and a half years she had grown accustomed to his constant request of a date with her.  
  
"Uh…no, I was going to ask…umm", the boy stammered.  
  
Lily raised a thin, auburn eyebrow as she gathered her books muttering under her breath. She headed back to the common room in hope that maybe this time her message sunk through. It seemed common knowledge that James Potter, quidditch extraordinaire, was in love with hotheaded Lily Evans, or ‘lilykins!!’ (of course complete with the excitement of exclamation marks) as he so affectionately called her. But even more widely known was that she in no way returned these affections.  
  
A stunned James Potter remained at the table, his eyes still on the retreating figure of the fiery redhead. His hand unintentionally ran through his hair as he, after waiting a few minutes, followed to where she had gone.  
  


 

 

 

A dishevelled head of black hair entered the seventh year boys’ dormitory with a slam of a door to mark his entrance. The response to his stifled appearance was a raised eyebrow followed by a

"What happened this time?" another boy with a head of elegant black hair, looked at the first from his bed taking in his appearance of both agitation and awe.

The youth took a long, deep breath before sitting down to relay his story

"Well I fol-" he started his recount of what had happened that evening only to be interrupted.

"Let me guess, you followed her and tried asking her out?" Both dark haired boys looked to the source of this agitated query.

"Uh, yes?" James answered quietly, lowering his eyes to avoid two pairs of rolling eyes. They too had grown accustomed to the constant rejection by one Lily Evans to one of their best friends.

"She’ll come around some time, Prongs. She has to." This answer came from the second dark haired boy, Sirius Black, who seemed insistent that the key to the girl’s heart was constant insistence.

"Really? You think so?"

"Of course, who could resist the rugged charm of the oh-so-handsome James Potter?" answered Sirius in a smug voice as he rendered a poor imitation of his friend, complete with over dramatic flexing of muscles.

"Lily, apparently," scoffed the lighter haired boy, Remus, under his breath. Before either of the other two responded they were interrupted by the squeaking open of a door.

A short, stout boy by the name of Peter slipped into the room. He was the final boy in their group, which they had dubbed ‘The Marauders.’ He looked around the room, surveying his friends amused expressions.

"He asked her out again?" two bemused heads nodded, the boy in question remaining silent as if in deep thought. They continued their conversation ignoring the last remark made.

"Just keep doing what you’re doing," Sirius answered in a knowing tone, as their self-proclaimed woman-expert.

"I guess that’s all I can do. Keep asking her out and get her attention," he told himself, thinking out loud.

Interjecting their conversation "You know, you could try _not_ asking her out, and being her friend, maybe?" pushed Remus, a hopeful tone in his voice, receiving a scoff from the woman expert.

"Just keep asking her out," Sirius continued, ignoring what has just been said.

"I guess…" James fiddled with his glasses. As much as she insisted it, he really did like her for her. A smile crept at his lips as he thought of the way she would twist her hair around her finger when she studied, and how she would bite the end of her quill as she wrote.

Sirius clapped loudly, breaking his friend out of one of his ‘Lily trances.’ 

"Come on, how could she resist any longer? You’re gorgeous!"

Both Remus and Peter failed to remain straight faced at this remark.

"I’m gorgeous?" James glances at Sirius who was now inspecting his reflection.

Continuing despite the three amused and concerned looks he earned, "yeah, and what’s the worst she could do? Despise you more?"

"Murder could be a first…" muttered Remus, loud enough so that they could all hear him. He could imagine the headlines “Murderous Vixen reveals inner turmoil with attack on peers at Hogwarts”.

   
Before either could retort a loud ‘bang’ caught their attention.

This loud bang being the skull of one James Potter making contact with the headboard of his bed.

"Rounds!" he exclaimed as an explanation as he ran through and out the door.

 

 

Lily tapped her foot impatiently glaring at the stairs before her. She folded her arms at the sight of a certain male.

"head…duties…us…rounds"  he slurred between breaths.

"I noticed," she replied coldly, gesturing to the corridor.

James gazed at Lily lovingly, thinking of how beautiful she looked in the dim lights, just like all those other times…. he sighed nostalgically causing the object of his affections to shudder.

"So…" he started breaking the silence, "us, head boy, head girl. You don’t think it could be a sign? How ‘bout going out with me?"

He raised his eyebrows suggestively. Lily snorted, taking a deep breath in attempt calm herself. Attempt being the operative word.

"You don’t go for subtlety do you?" she muttered through gritted teeth.

"So how ‘bout it?"

"Hmmm…..Let me think…"

Lily paused for dramatic affect, she could see Potter leaning in eagerly. She turned abruptly to face him.

"How about…NO!" She continued forward leaving a rather taken aback James Potter to watch her retreating figure. She felt a hand snake around her waist.

"I don’t think I can accept that as an answer, love."

Lily turned on her heel so the pair was face to face.

"You won’t give up will you?" Her eyes narrowed at the sight of the infamous smirk.

"Don’t plan on it. So how ‘bout now?"

"No." Lily stomped away angrily. The ground was James Potter and right now she was stomping on his face. Somehow during her extravagant stomping he had caught up to her.

"What about now?"

"Still no, Potter."

"But my darling Evans, didn’t you wake up this morning thinking, “Ah what a beautiful morning, sun is shining, birds are singing, James is gorgeous?”"

"As surprisingly as it may be to your big ego, no, I didn’t."

"You know what, hon, I think by the end of this year you, my dear, will be head over heels in love, and dating me."

Lily scoffed. Was he getting more stupid by the day?

"Somehow, I’m highly doubting that"

Lily took a deep breath. She would ignore him. Yes, ignoring good. James had now started chanting 'liiily' in a sing-song voice, in an attempt to gain her attention.

"Lils, you know you love me. I'm sure you fawn over me. You can't resist my charm"

How could one person have enough room in their head for this much stupidity when their ego was taking up so much room? Oh that’s right he was James Potter. She could practically hear the giggles. _“He’s just soooo dreamy”, “He looked at me!! *gush*”_. He needed a title, _James Potter: quidditch extraordinaire and annoying as hell._

"Oh but you will, so how does one date sound? Just once? Or a nice walk somewhere? Or maybe a kiss?"

Actually no, make that _James Potter: quidditch extraordinaire, annoying as hell and ground breakingly stupid._

"No, no and NO!!!" she yelled, and yet again she found herself face to face with the stupid, egotistical boy who just had to pick her to be in love with. "You're never going to stop are you?"

He winked at her with the smirk still at his lips.

"Just once date, love, all I need."

Stupid arrogant prat.

"FINE! JUST STOP BEING SO ANNOYING!"

Loud scoffs and thumps could be identified as one irritated Lily Evans fled from one smirking James Potter.

 

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**A/N: Thanks for reading :) I've got a sequel written to this, so i'll be putting that up soon!**   



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